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  • Chase O'Neill

Things I Never Told My Dungeon Master

For the work we've been doing on "The First Gamers: A Song Quest" (a song cycle about everyone's favorite table-top roleplaying games) I decided to post this fun little story I wrote a while back called......


'Things I Never Told My Dungeon Master'

A 20 Sided List-Story

D20:

1) I mocked people who played Dungeons & Dragons. I called them nerds, but that's a given. Not even a creative insult. I called it foolish a good number of times to people I know played. They never took that well.

2) I thought they were cowards and some are to be honest.

3) The game is sadistic. Someone cares that much about a character wouldn't send them to their death. I’ve heard people call their character an extension of themselves. Making them masochistic.

4) People make the strangest characters. They make either the idealized version of themselves or a clone from a fandom series.

5) Playing this game doesn’t get anyone anywhere. People argue for the entire game. It’s nonsense.

6) Almost every weekend you receded into your imagination. It’s annoying.

7) Locking yourself in a room to play a game is rather antisocial.

8) This game is not realistic. Someone told me that one of their characters was sodomized by goblins with a battle ax. I wasn't surprised based off the player but it seemed sick. Who would let that happen to their friends?

9) Dice make no sense.

10) Why would anyone want to waste time and energy on a strange dice based game? It’s sort of creepy.

11) When people create a character they don't go deep enough. Where's the fun if the character is shallow? Where's the fun, period?

12) Dungeons & Dragons seems like the mangled distant relation to Lord of the Rings and Arthurian Legend.

13) Dungeons & Dragons lasts about five hours?! Minimum?! Who has that kind of time?!

14) Hasn’t this game been connected to murder/suicides in the 80s?

15) I never questioned why you asked me to play with your group. I never really showed any interest though.

16) I agree to play and now I'm being made fun of by the other players for my choices...this is your idea of fun? I’m playing because we're friends. Not because I want to.

17) The Party. All my friends imagining to be somewhere and someone else. It’s different.

18) I made a Diplomacy check. I didn’t announce the roll. The check was a 46. Thought it’d be more fun to fight.

19) It was weird. I saw me. In the game. I saw me looking at myself.

20) I am a Bard. I am a Warlock. A Gnome. A Human. I see with my than just my eyes.



A D&D Map from an Old Campaign of Mine

Just because you've never played a game with your friends (or if you've never seen a musical) doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a chance. It may just open a whole new world and a whole new community for you! New experiences and getting involved in life keeps our minds open. And, if you're a writer, you have to engage with new and unfamiliar all the time. Step out of your comfort zone!


Open your mind

See each other

See with more than just your eyes

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